About

I'm a professional goalkeeper, and I want to write about what that's really like.

My name is Steven-Andreas Benda. I'm a professional footballer, and I've spent the past decade on the training pitch, in the dressing rooms, and in the stadiums where a single moment can change the shape of a week, a season, sometimes a career. It's a hard, intense, but also extremely rewarding and beautiful job, and most of what goes on inside it never gets talked about honestly.

That's what I want to do here.

It's a place for me to write honestly about the professional game as I've lived it — what it feels like to concede a goal in front of a full stadium, what a goalkeeper actually thinks about in the five seconds before a penalty, what you say to yourself walking back to your line after a mistake. Things that don't usually get talked about.

I'm also starting to think seriously about the next chapter. Coaching isn't my present yet — it's my direction. In the next few years, I will begin my badges, starting with UEFA B, then Goalkeeper B and A. A lot of what I write will sit in that space between the two — the goalkeeper I am, and the coach I want to become.

What you'll find here

• Honest writing about the position — shot-stopping, commanding the box, playing out from the back, communicating with the back four. Not theory. What it actually feels like and what it actually takes.
• Moments from the week — short pieces on things I've noticed in training or in matches. What I saw. What stuck with me.
• The mental side — the part of goalkeeping nobody can drill. Composure, pressure, mistakes, confidence. The stuff that decides more games than anyone admits.
• Breakdowns — short analyses of specific moments from professional games, from a goalkeeper's point of view.

I'll try to post regularly, and if you want the posts in your inbox, the newsletter sign-up is below.

One thing I'll promise you: I won't write anything I don't believe. If a post doesn't say something true — something I've actually lived or thought hard about — it won't go up.

Thanks for being here.

— Steven-Andreas Benda